One Sad Post.

You know what? No, I'm not alright. I'm so tired of forcing it all away because no one had time to listen, and i felt bad for making them listen because I didn't want to be the one with the problems. I wanted to be the one there for everyone, even though no one was there anymore because she is gone. And no, none of this is okay. Part of me left when she did. We were more than just best friends. And it hurts now. Everything hurts. And I just want to tell someone of how I'm not okay, but when I try, it just doesn't come out. Everything in me screams when I trust someone. Probably because when I told my dad shouting "it's not fair" with tears in my eyes he just pat me on the back and said "it's not okay you're right" and went on his way. Probably because no one knows me, and I don't know anyone enough to believe them when they say it will be okay. I just want to be able to let someone in. But, really, no one wants to hear. Why is it we are so scared of everyone else's problems? No one wants to admit something is wrong.

We were so innocent and beautiful. You were dressed in costume jewelry and a birthday hat, holding a pink balloon in your right hand. You were sitting right next to me. Now, you cry yourself to sleep separated from your friends. You are dressed in other people's clothes because you have no money. So, no. I'm not alright. But I hope you are. And I hope someone listens to you when you finally can say you're not. Because I love you, April Loy, my best friend. And I have infinite hope for you, all of you out there, that things will be okay, even if they aren't for me.