You keep changing.

They say everyone can be healed, if only you go back and work from where you had made the mistake. But what of habits? I never knew much about anything, especially me. The enigma it seems is as strong as the wall i built out of bricks and dark shadows. But I learned to ride a bikes so fast. And then they became cars. I wore lipstick and high heels as I traced chalk figurines into the pavement. If only I could have told myself.
Someday,
you will be older. People will expect things from you.
Remember the swing set competitions

The exhilarating fear of straying from the ground
when adrenaline rushed through you as you jumped from its safety net

or the glossy touch from that seemingly unreachable branch

Remember your room dressed in pink
For someday you'll hate the color.
And when you do, Believe your mother
when she says to let go.
Don't answer those calls. Be strong enough to go

Don't watch that play

or stay awake

Or listen to that song about the winter

The angels will take her but she'll hear them coming.
Get to know her instead of humming

along to the song played at her funeral

Remember how it feels to have God wrapped around you
for there will be times when you will almost hate him.
and you'll tell Him again and again,

but He'll allow your next breath
so still you will believe and try to forget

When your best friend calls you crying

about her parents fighting
or her mother in the hospital
find a way to get to her

before the end of summer

You'll remember everything he said.
but you'll deny it through and through
Because you'll believe when he says he is crazy about you.
But you'll fall in love again.
And you'll sing all the time.
and you'll let him read your blog

when He won't let you hide
Your friends will say you've changed
that you're becoming brighter
a joyous sort of deranged

A delirious inspired

Time will pass with ease, if only for a while.
You will have these tired thoughts

and sit at your computer

Wondering if these are the right choices

And how long it will be until you're writing to yourself again
of mistakes and of habits
Trying to find your way back